This Is Why Closure Is A Lie

closure is a lie
Photo by Keira Burton

After a breakup, we want to understand why the seemingly perfect relationship with our partner has collapsed. But closure is a lie because it will not heal the emotional wound; instead, it prompts us to seek an explanation to cope with the trauma of a breakup. It gets us so caught up in finding answers that we end up failing to see the message in front of us.

Secondly, it sets us back from healing since we hope to return to where we were with that person who hurt and disarmed us emotionally. Finally, we use it as a poor excuse to put our life on hold because we are afraid of the future.

That need to speak to them is just a way to hinder your own healing process. Conversing with that person who walked away from what you both built will not magically heal the pain or rebuild what was destroyed. Your ex-partner has been extremely transparent with you by ending things, and their actions prove that you deserve better.

The quest for closure is a tactic to avoid the greater picture, especially if your partner pulls an unprompted disappearing act. It means they would rather leave you than respect you enough to hold that important conversation. It shows that they are callous, narcissistic, and self-centered.

Seeing a relationship built on love suddenly dissolve into obscurity can be a traumatic experience for many. We immediately want an explanation for the problem because we do not want to face reality. Therefore, closure has become a deep need for the masses, the go-to solution.

But it is only a buzzword. It brings a false sense of comfort to know why, to get those answers to move on. But it is the equivalent of a fairy tale. It may seem like the ideal solution, but it will only exacerbate the problem. That dream of wanting them to return will only keep you attached.

At the end of the day, you are wishing for the person that hurt you emotionally, abandoned, or simply did not care at all for you to return and provide that happily ever after. You are still carrying that torch, waiting on the day that your partner will return and pick up right where things fell off. But it will not happen.

When a relationship ends, do not hold on to hopes of rekindling that romance or reliving those first couple of months when your relationship had you on cloud nine. You and your partner have outgrown those early stages. You are not the same people you were at the beginning. Time has allowed you to see who your partner truly is, so do not ignore those flags that kept growing with every passing week, month, and year.

You should seek closure for yourself.

Have that conversation that you avoided either with someone you can confide in or through journaling. Write a letter to your past and future self, asking why you did not see those flags. If you are honest enough to admit you avoided them, try to write ways to prevent this from recurring in the future.

You will get closure from doing the inner work, from healing within. Your ex-partner is not going to heal the hurt you will be carrying once the relationship is over.

Do not put your life on hold, waiting on someone who did not respect you to reappear to set you free. Staying frozen in time will not let you live freely. Do not deny yourself happiness because of this minor setback.

They left; they gave you their response, and they have moved on, so learn to do the same. You are your own hero in this chapter.

Finding your own strength can allow you to move gracefully. Remember to be compassionate towards yourself while you are rebuilding.

We are constantly in the process of healing, growing, and learning. Do not fixate on what could have been, what you should have done, or what they needed to change. You now can make the change in the present, for your future. The past can’t be changed, but you can look back and understand what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not for future relationships.

Think of this experience as an opportunity to grow to a new level and set your sights on the wonderful people you will meet along the way. You already went through one difficult relationship. Realize that your partner did not meet the mark. With this new insight, you can start fresh, have a more positive outlook and focus on learning more about you.

Closure is a lie. And demanding an explanation from someone who does not respect you will not heal you. As horrible as things are right now, and as much blame may fall on them, they still do not owe you anything. On the contrary, if they left, you have every right to move on and not look back.

Learn from the experience and focus on the future.

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