Let him go.
We’ve all been there. Your day is a little brighter and your smile is a little bigger when you talk to him. You put forth the effort to look your best because there’s a chance you’re probably going to see him. But for what? What’s the point? Nothing is going to change what you mean to him.
And that feels like nothing most days.
Most days you feel as though you’re second best. Most days you feel like you’ll never mean what you want to mean to him. You fake the smile just to avoid that awkward conversation. Most days you pretend you’re alright. But deep down your heart wants to burst out of your chest. Most days you choke back the tears so hard, you can feel them burning in your throat. Most days you’re not okay.
And this is why.
You’ve shut down every other avenue and completely cleared the roster. Because you don’t want anyone else. You’ve shared some of your deepest darkest secrets with him. The two of you have been through more in the last 6 months than anyone else you’ve ever known. You’re there for every phone call. You’re there to hear about the other girls he’s sleeping with. Including you. You’re there for every little inconvenience in his life.
Why are you doing this? He knows you have feelings for him. But he doesn’t know how deep they actually are. You’re literally putting him and his happiness before yours and that’s the saddest thing in the world. He’s constantly proving to you that having one night stands or finding other girls to talk too is more important than you. He’s making you feel like you’re not enough or somehow deemed unworthy.
Stop letting this happen.
Some days you cry yourself to sleep, and no one knows. Some days you feel completely worthless, and no one knows. And some days you find it difficult to even get out of bed, and no one knows. This isn’t fair to you. You know you need to let him go, but you still keep holding on. Having him in your life like this is better than not having him at all, right?
You are SO much more than you’re giving yourself credit for. Because you are one of the funniest people you know. You have a laugh and a smile that could light up any room. And your heart is one made of gold, and constantly worn on your sleeve. You do nothing but take care of everyone else every single day. And now, it’s time to take care of you. You should let him go and you should do it now. You are a bomb ass powerful woman, and you need to remember that every single day.