Self-abandonment; that’s what it’s always about. Abandoning yourself for others, for something external.
It’s hard to change that. Even when you start to, there’s a price to pay. You don’t get away with all those years of neglect and receive instant forgiveness. Your body keeps score. It’s not so forgiving.
You have to earn its trust. You have to take it one day at a time, and you have to really commit. You have to prove, now, that you really aren’t going anywhere. You’re now in a relationship with someone with severe abandonment wounding: your body.
Your body is like another person in many ways. In fact, the body IS the subconscious mind. They are one and the same. Everything you need to know is your body. It will tell you all the answers. You will find personality and attitude; they will reflect your own.
Indifference: is your body indifferent to your touch? If you stroke your own arm, does it mean something to you? Or, is there an echo of indifference, a comment of, “this is more for you than it is for me. I could take or leave being cared for at all.”
Is that how you are with people?
Is that a bit too familiar?
Not wanting anything is a great shield. It protects you from rejection.
Of course, it’s a lie. You want. Even more so, you need. So does your body. Well, your body is you. Even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.
Can you commit to consciously touching your own body for a few minutes every day?
Non-sexually. Just to comfort. Just to feel loved. To be loved. Because you’re the only one that’s always going to be there your whole life.
How much less alone would you feel if you treated yourself like an absolute top priority? Physically. Wouldn’t you feel like you’re more than yourself, more important, more valued if you actually dated your body?
Woo your body. Win its heart. Earn its trust.
Don’t think you can take it for granted and not pay the price. It will cheat on you in profound ways. It will hurt. And you, too, will hurt.
It’s the one relationship you need before you have any other. You’re unstoppable if you can be together forever. If you can commit to each other.
If you put in the work to love your body, it will love you back.
You will feel whole in a way that seems so completely foreign, not alone when you are alone. You have your body.
It’s always going to have something to say about everything. So listen. Stop tuning it out. Hold your foot in your hands. Kiss your calf muscles. Run your fingers through your hair. Indulge in affection. Appreciate. Get back together. Fall in love. You’ll never be alone again. And no one can take that away from you.