Recently, I posted a video on social media about my partner, and how his kindness and patience with my trauma changed my life.
Amidst all the kind comments, there was one that seemed to entirely miss the point of the video.
“If you ladies are dumb enough to think a man will heal your trauma, you better think again!”
I didn’t take the comment to heart but it did leave me a bit baffled.
First off, I had said in the video that he took the time to understand my trauma, not that he healed it.
But it got me thinking.
I thought about how much my partner truly has helped me heal, just by being so patient and kind. In fact, it dawned on me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone else playing a hand in our healing.
After all, why should that make our journey any less valid?
This weekend, my partner and I were hiking through the woods during a lovely camping getaway.
We were talking about how anxious I was when we first started dating and how I over-analysed every interaction with every friend. I was constantly afraid they were mad, or worried I had upset them even though that was literally never the case.
“You’ve gotten so much better,” my partner said and smiled at me.
“Why do you think that is the case?” I asked him.
“I think that you clung to some of your friends as rocks. But by doing that you became a bit unsteady, and put too much weight on those friendships. Now that you have me I think you know you can lean on me. And since you are supported, it’s allowed you to become more relaxed with your friendships.”
I felt myself choking up as I realised how true his words were.
For over two years, he has done nothing but love and support me. Even through the dark times. And he has truly has become my best friend and my biggest fan.
I am a strong and fearless woman and over the years, I have embraced who I am. Even with all of my flaws.
However, I cannot truthfully claim that I have done it all on my own.
When my partner and I first started dating, my trauma came to the surface. It was ugly and it was painful and it went on for a few months. He was kind and understanding. But finally, after one very bad night, he said perhaps it was time I sought out therapy to try and heal my trauma.
I don’t want to think about where I would be today if I hadn’t made the decision to seek professional counselling. And a huge part of making that decision was the support and encouragement I received from my partner.
I know that I don’t need a man in my life.
I know that I am capable of going through life on my own. And that there isn’t another person that will ever “complete” me.
However, I also don’t want to downplay how much I want my partner to be in my life. How much joy he adds to it.
So let me leave you with this.
No, I didn’t need a man to heal my trauma. But you know what? It helped.
And it’s perfectly okay to want someone.
It’s also perfectly okay to allow someone to become a pillar in your life. It doesn’t make you any less brave, less strong, or less of a woman.
In fact, in a way it shows even more bravery.
It shows that you didn’t allow the trauma to dictate the rest of your life.
It shows that you didn’t allow the trauma to prevent you from trusting someone new. Just because you’ve been hurt in the past.
And it shows that you were brave enough to open your heart and love again.