Newsflash: women can make the first move, and actually enjoy it.
Recently I had a conversation with a friend I’ve known for almost ten years.
Our discussion landed on the topic of dating and making the first move with people. After laughing a lot reminiscing about awkward first moves with crushes when we were teenagers, she stopped and said:
“We’re laughing, but seeing you do that really showed me it is completely okay, and even liberating to be the one to go after someone you find attractive.”
It’s undeniable that the dynamic dominating the heterosexual dating world is still very old-fashioned and unbalanced.
Men are supposed to be the ones to initiate conversations and more with potential partners. Women on the other hand, are supposed to focus on making themselves as “desirable” as possible; and at most offer eye contact to someone they like. But God forbid they dare to say a word first.
Maybe that is what the world struggles with? That women have desires and urges, the same way men do?
And worst of all, that they would feel confident enough to expose those desires by making the first move?
I cannot emphasise enough how wrong and damaging these ideas are to me.
Striking up a conversation and flirting with a stranger in a bar, or with a friend of a friend at a party, is one of the great pleasures of life. It’s about taking the lead in the hopes of getting what you want; be it a beautiful conversation, a night of fun, or even a serious relationship.
I think the key to stepping out of your comfort zone is to approach dating like a game, and focus on having fun. This is why I like to make the first move. Of course, you are laying your cards on the table and exposing yourself to potential rejection. But who cares about rejection when the thrill of taking a risk, and putting yourself out there, makes you feel alive and empowered?
I have heard too many times that if women make the first move, men are going to get scared and run away. So let me ask this question: are you seriously willing to get involved with a man who would be put off by a woman making the first move, even though he finds her interesting and attractive?
Don’t get me wrong, I know that even in 2020, it is still uncommon for women to make the first move. So you might surprise the person in question. But if they’re open and interested, I’m sure they won’t reject you simply just because you initiated it, instead of waiting around, hoping to hypnotise them from afar with your eyes.
Let’s be real – By staying passive, your chances of attracting the person you want are small. By taking the lead, you can choose who you interact with, and increase your chances of connecting with a person you’re really attracted to.
Even if you end up being rejected, at least you’ve tried something new, and had fun experimenting with ways to strike up a conversation with a stranger.
And if being bold and blunt with your intentions is too much for you, that’s fair enough. But don’t let that stand in the way of having a casual conversation. Compliment them on something they’re wearing, or their haircut. The excuse you find to break the ice doesn’t really matter, as long as it’s genuine and respectful.
One of my friends says to approach someone like you want to be friends with them, before anything else. This is a great way to alleviate the pressure of anything more. Making the first move should always be fun and light. You’ve got nothing to lose, and maybe everything to gain.
Remember, no matter what happens, there’s nothing desperate about women who want to make the first move.
It can be a real fuck you to the patriarchal society we find ourselves living in. But it’s also a great way to entertain your friends if it all goes terribly wrong.