I’ve promised myself that I won’t bring a new life into this world—be a caregiver, unless I have healed my soul of all the trauma. After all, inter-generational trauma leaves wounds long after you’ve gone. I don’t want my children or their children to deal with the pain of our family trauma their entire lives.
The vicious cycle ends with me—it stops here.
I wished upon myself to become hard as stone.
For so long, I felt numb in the presence of pain.
I just wanted to learn how to fight back—be resistant, be brave.
But I was wrong.
Accepting what we can’t control and moving forward is strength in itself.
Adapting to your environment as fluidly as the many shapes of water is powerful.
You can’t repress everything you feel and expect not to fear anything anymore. The sadness and suffering that I’ve experienced in my life don’t just vanish because I want them to.
I am choosing myself; this isn’t selfish.
Most importantly, I will be a warrior, not a victim.
My work in this lifetime is to heal. I will recover on behalf of my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and ancestors. They did their best to survive and fight but couldn’t tend to the open wounds of the tragedies that befell them.
The people who have hurt me are also healing, and this has taken me a while to understand. I hope they do too.
I intend to keep my promises and will awake every morning trying to honor them.
On my part, I will be more accepting of others and less judgemental. I’ve promised myself to practice love, not hate. The trauma passed down will end with me, one step at a time.
Remember, fighting against the odds is a superpower, but healing yourself is divine.