A Love Letter To All Bisexuals

bisexuality is valid
Photo by Gemma Chua

This is a love letter to all bisexuals.

I hope you are okay, but if you’re not, that’s okay, too. 

Now, on to the topic. Whether you just discovered you were bisexual, are a veteran bisexual, identified with a different sexuality previously, or none of the above, welcome. 

I’m here to remind you how awesome you are.

We bisexuals have a conundrum: everyone assumes all persons are monosexual (that is, someone attracted to one gender). There’s nothing wrong with being monosexual, of course, but monsexuality is seen as the default, similar to how heterosexuality is seen as the default sexuality of all humans.

Many straight people cannot comprehend the fact that we’re attracted to more than one gender. They tell us that we’re confused, experimenting, secretly gay/straight, attention-seeking, or some other nonsense that’s one-hundred percent false. 

Unfortunately, some gay and other non-heterosexuals have made this assumption as well, which is frustrating and invaliding. It also feels somewhat hypocritical, given how all sexual minorities are discriminated against due to heteronormativity in society. 

In the way that gender is treated as binary (“you’re either a boy or a girl!”), sexuality gets a similar treatment. If you don’t fit in the perfect box—heterosexual first and gay only as a “last resort” option—you’re considered an oddity or just plain lying.

Biphobia is why it took so long for me to come out, not just to others but also to myself.

I always knew I was attracted to men, but when I realized I was drawn to women, too, in my teenage years, I was confused. Surely I was only attracted to men? I was sure I was straight and could easily ignore my feelings for women to focus on men.

Growing up as a Black woman in the American South, I didn’t see a lot of representation of folks like me within the queer community. That, combined with the shameless sexism geared toward women and their sexuality (“all girls experiment in college!”) made it easier to ignore what I was feeling—until it wasn’t.

You can never truly be happy with yourself if you deny a part of who you are, and that was exactly what I was doing. It took years of denial and fostering self-confidence and a supportive community of my own for me to openly, unashamedly, declare myself bisexual.

Even now, I have to fight against the little voices in my head that tell me I’m experiencing a “phase.” That I’m not a “real” bisexual because “all girls experiment” and other asinine thought patterns courtesy of a hetero-patriarchal society.

I want to reiterate to you what I learned and am still learning myself: that bisexual erasure is total bullshit.

I also want to share the most important thing I’ve learned: that everyone’s bisexuality is one-hundred percent valid. Just because someone else isn’t bisexual and cannot expand their horizons doesn’t mean that bisexuality isn’t real.

Bisexuals are—and will always be—valid.

Besides, being bisexual is fucking awesome. Seriously, how freeing is it to realize that sexuality exists on a spectrum?

How amazing is it to know that there’s so much fluidity in who you love and what you love about people?

And how fun is it to make bisexual jokes and memes; like claiming everything is bi culture, which, honestly, is true. Bisexuality represents the diverse human capacity of attraction, which I think is beautiful.

Plus, our flag colors are on point. Gorgeous AF.

To every bisexual out there, whether you’re in the closet or out or are unsure, I want you to know that you’re awesome. I hope you celebrate your beautiful sexuality and your identity as a person because you deserve it.

If I could, I’d make you a bi-themed cake. But for now, I’ll have to settle for sending you this pseudo-letter. Feel free to make yourself a bisexual cake if you want—I’m all for that.

Once again, you’re awesome. Don’t ever forget that.

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