Why Is It Wrong To Be Full Of Myself?

full of myself
Photo by Anna Tarazevich

All my life, I’ve been told to be polite, to push back my chair, to speak with a soft voice.

There were always messages from teachers and guardians, and other adults to keep myself small. To not be too much. Never bring attention to myself and to say no when I am offered abundance. That it is embarrassing to accept what I deserve, that I should only receive half or less than.

I have been told I am too loud. That I am too headstrong for my own good. That my ability to excel is a threat to others, so I should water it down and stay humble.

Humble. What a silly word. It really isn’t one of my favorite words. And most people will frown upon the idea that one doesn’t desire to be humbled.

But why should I?

Why should I not celebrate the little things and the big things about myself? Why shouldn’t I bask in my wholeness and how big of a space I take up with my presence alone?

Why is my completeness the enemy here? What is so wrong with how much space I take up because I am so big and so full and so whole and just completely full in myself?

Why is it so wrong to be so full of myself?

Who else am I supposed to be full of?

I’ll never understand what it means to be nice. To turn the other cheek out of fear of being impolite and neglect to be in someone’s corner just to save face. Yeah, that just isn’t me. And I really hope that isn’t you either. You deserve to be better than that.

You deserve to look yourself in the mirror every day and know that you are so worth it. That you are so fucking loved. That you are and will always be enough. Full stop.

It is time to stop playing small and acting out of fear. Now is the time for bold choices. And that includes choosing yourself. No matter how fucking painful it is.

Today is the perfect time to start exercising that muscle memory of choosing you for you. Build that strength to be so safe and secure within yourself that nothing can shake you. That your every move, your every breath, is a prayer and a divine offering to your own life.

Now is not the time to dim your light in hopes of fitting into a box filled with other people who have turned their lights off. Be that window shining so fucking bright you’re practically a beacon of hope to onlookers and passersby alike.

You haven’t been yourself for some time now. And it is time to learn to let go and forgive. That’s how the sunlight gets in. That’s how your shadows stop being enemies, and the rain becomes a sign of growth.

People change, and you are always so patient with them. Now is the time to free your mind and let yourself find the time to live. That’s how flowers grow.

Nice to these people, for what?

You’re a sunflower soul. These people bring the rain, and that’s exactly how you grow.

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