This Is What I Am Leaving Behind Today

This Is What I Am Leaving Behind Today
Photo by Blake Cheek

There are things in this life that are meant to be moments.

That’s it.

There is pain that is meant to be a momentary lesson and that is all. We aren’t meant to carry them with us, life would get too heavy that way.

These are the little things that have weighed heavily on my heart that I am choosing today to leave in the past, where they belong.

I am leaving behind the need to please everyone.

Humans are not meant to please others. I don’t need to be at everyone’s beck and call and I certainly do not need to live my life for other people. We get one life, and I am living mine for me.

I am leaving behind the need to be there and do more.

My anxiety tricks me into thinking that my worth is defined by my productivity. My worth is inherent in who I am, not in how many things I cross off my to do list. I am leaving behind the notion that life will be better if I do more, and I am rooting myself in the here and now.

I am leaving behind the girl that did things to please people.

I am leaving behind the girl that used others and their validation to feel whole. I am leaving behind the girl that tried to fill the holes in her heart with the cheer of the crowd instead of filling them with self-love.

I am leaving behind the fear of failure.

For so long I have lived in constant dread of “what if I fail?” and today, I am replacing that with “what if I succeed?” I am diving in headfirst, because you will never know if you don’t try. I want to try. I want to fail. I want to see what life has for me when I live as my genuine self with my heart on my sleeve. I want to be brave. I am leaving behind anything that doesn’t fit who I truly am.

I am leaving behind the scars of past loves and the burns of all the things that didn’t quite work out.

I refuse to hide behind these and label myself as damaged. I am not damaged. I do not harbor baggage. I have been hurt and grown from it. I have seen and known pain that felt like I would never recover. But I am not broken. I am leaving the brokenness behind and starting anew.

I am leaving behind anything that doesn’t fit with who I am and who I want to be.

I want to be bold. I want to be true to myself and love myself well. I want to shine from the inside out and love others without reservations or expectations. I want to live my life freely, for my own approval and no one else’s. Anything that holds me back from this has to go to make room for all that I intend to build.

To all the things I am letting go, thank you. Thank you for the pain. Thank you for the pruning. It is because of these things that I can grow into the best version of myself.

We are an accumulation of experiences and moments, and although mine may not have gone as I planned or wanted, I am grateful for all of it.

I am letting go of the pain and the heaviness, but I will never forget the lessons. I am letting go to make room for more growth.

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