Before There Was An “Us” There Was A “Me”

woman sitting hat
Photo by Perfect Snacks on Unsplash

In every relationship we go into, we give a part of ourselves.

Some give away too little, others give away too much; and some give up every bit of themselves. And it’s only until you are out of it that you realise you’ve been left with nothing. You realise you can’t remember the last time you smiled at yourself in the mirror, or the last time you took time out to enjoy your own company.

Our generation sadly treats love like a drug addiction. It has become something artificial and superficial. We have become co-dependant on our significant others, expecting them to be the ones to solely bring us happiness. They become our daily dopamine fix, yet love was never made to be the crutch you need to heal your demons. It was never made to be the cure for your burdens.

Call me a hopeless romantic, but I’ve always believed that although love is selfless it should also be selfish. Selfish in the way that sometimes we have to be brave enough to just love ourselves and let that be enough.

There was a time when I wanted to be the girl that a guy looked at and he just knew that I was his whole world. It was only recently that I realised that I had to be that guy. I needed to look at myself and see a whole world. I needed to see each and every possibility and opportunity; but most importantly, I needed to look at myself and know that I was who I needed.

After my last relationship, I decided to take a sort of hiatus from dating. Because for me, I knew I would never truly be happy with someone else until I was happy just being by myself. I think when you learn to stand on your own two feet; hold your own hand when you need it, and be there for yourself; you find that you won’t need others to be that for you. There’ll just come a time when you want it. You won’t crave love, but simply relish and enjoy every bit of it.

Most people today find themselves in another person, and while there is nothing wrong with that, that person should not be your identity. When you are with someone, without knowing who you are, you’ll find it’s harder to define yourself as your own person. You have to find who you truly are. Find yourself in the joy and the sadness. Find yourself in the confines of your home; in the world outside. Find yourself in you.

When you decide to become the source of your own happiness, you won’t depend on someone to be that happiness for you.

You’ll find that when you do truly lose yourself in that one person, you will lose yourself willingly; allowing them to love the deepest and most inner parts of you because you have taken the time to love those parts yourself; no matter how ugly they might seem.

Be confident in your single self. Allow yourself to discover the things that make you who you are.

People often ask me, what do I do now that I’m out of a relationship? My response usually is take your time. Take your time to rediscover yourself. Remember who you were before you were an us. And remember that you used to be a me, and if you survived then, you can survive now.

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