Have You Been Living Someone Else’s Dream Instead Of Your Own?

living someone else's dream
Photo by Rachel Claire

During our childhood, we observe the first role models we have the chance to—our parents. We grow up unaware of the impact they have on us, the impact they continue to have years later after leaving the nest.

Lately, I have come to a realization. I have this preconception that when I turn thirty, I should have found the love of my life, got married, have a good enough job so I can buy this big house where I will see my future children grow up.

Where does this idea come from?

Does it have to be my future?

Do I have to tick all these boxes at thirty, or can it be later?

What if I want something different is it outrageous?

Will I be looked at as an outsider, a monster?

Probably. Why?

The house, the fancy car, the big beautiful wedding ceremony, having three perfect children: they are all an archaic notion to make you feel safe, as if you have your life together and you should be happy.

What if you suddenly realize you always thought you wanted that cliché for yourself only because you listened to someone else’s dreams or fears instead of yourself?

I realized that first, in the idea of marriage, what I am looking for is a partner for life. Someone faithful that will be here with me through thick and thin and with whom I can travel the world. It’s not the ring or the big wedding I long for, but rather to find a partner in crime.

In the big house and the car, all I was looking for was validation or security. If I can afford a big house or a car, it means I have succeeded in society. But what if I want to renovate and build a tiny home? The truth is, all I wish for is to work hard and earn enough money to be independent. That’s what matters to me, not to impress somebody or do like everyone else.

The truth is I need to unlearn the ideas that have been planted in my head unconsciously. I have to look at myself in the mirror and ask: what do you want from this life? What matters to you? What makes you the happiest?

Four words come to mind right away: writing, travel, good people, educating myself through other cultures.

The next questions are: do they have a place in my life at the moment? What is refraining me from incorporating these things in my life?

Sweeping away prejudice will take time, but it is better late than never. Slowly, I will find my way. I will continue looking for the path that is meant for me, depending on my desires, not anybody else’s. Prejudice and preconception are what imprison one from living a fulfilling life. Realizing you can live a different life from your parents or your friends is key.

You need to ask yourself the right questions and follow that little voice guiding you gently towards your rightful path. It will require patience, determination, sacrifice, and standing up for your ideas, but it will be worth it.

You shouldn’t live your life according to someone else’s desires. Nobody can dictate how you live your life because they are held back by their own fears or don’t understand why you want to take a different direction. They have no right to act like this. Forget what society says. Forget the rules because you have the right to live your life on your own terms.

Follow your dreams and live your best moments yet. You deserve it all.

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