I cannot decide whether I like this grey face of autumn or not.
These gorgeous grey cotton clouds have an alarming effect on me. It is as if some things are about to change, but I’m not yet prepared for them to come about; because it has the potential to cause something radical and drastic.
Some days I wake up with a lot of plans in my mind, whereas other days, all I do is make a cup of coffee and cuddle in a blanket with a book. It is almost like I’m floating from one place to another, with zero physical movements.
So, here I am again. I am at my desk, sitting in front of my laptop. I have been hiding for a few days; hiding from all the noises and the rush, so that I can heed the calling of my own reality and take another step.
I am writing these words because these feelings are not just mine, but ours.
These feelings and thoughts, they keep arising from uneasiness and they are no stranger to any of us. So, yes! That’s how I know that I am not alone, and neither are you. In this soul searching adventure that starts and ends with great patience and effort, we have each other.
Seclusion is the word I have been looking for.
It is time to go inside my real home where I feel the most vulnerable, yet most powerful. I need to stop and take a deep breath, because it’s been a rough road. I have my dreams in my pocket after all. Some I accomplished, some were left all alone as I faced a few bumps along the road; but I have tried my best.
That’s what matters right?
Am I patient enough? Am I on the right track?
I’m beginning to enjoy this seasonal unrest as it makes me realize there is no such thing as an end of story.
And now, as I am taking a sip from my coffee, I am wondering, what is the source of this invisible force that keeps challenging us no matter how well we train our minds?
Well, these don’t have anything to do with grey clouds; nor does it have anything to do with the soothing call of the month of October.
Perhaps, this is why I like this month. Because of the things it reminds me of, such as doing absolutely nothing for a while, but looking around. October is all about going into yourself, moving and thinking slowly, letting things go and find their own way.
I like to think of us women as believers of going with the flow.
Whenever I feel fragile, nervous and unsettled, I want to speak and share what’s going on inside my head and soul without hiding what I’m feeling. All I want is to bare myself wholly to another soul that listens and cares without judging.
But many people are not open to this level of interaction. Some are shy. Some are reluctant as they see the whole process of being vulnerable as a threat.
What is it that makes us feel the need to hide our most naked selves from each other?
Perhaps we all need to be out of sight every once in a while, listening to the unique rhythm of our body and soul; talk to ourselves, love ourselves in all ways.
That’s the reason why I believe that seclusion is the biggest teacher we will ever know.
As we begin to shift to a higher level of consciousness, we’ll learn that we can embrace not only ourselves but also anyone else as they are.
I am sure that every now and then, this feeling captivates you just as it captivates me. There are so many worried souls out there who feel like us. That’s why I’m writing these very lines. So my words can meet with people who need to read them and thus, a bond of love will be formed between hearts that have never known each other before.
Thanks to this bond among us—which I call spiritual hood—we will recognize each other even if we have never met in person. And it will not matter whether our concerns are identical or different. Together, we will unwittingly start this contagious circle of love.
So remember, it is okay to take a break and sit back. Perhaps it is time to look back and see how far you’ve come in becoming the woman you’re today.
Who are you today? Who did you used to be?
Just like the great poet Rumi said:
A wealth you cannot imagine
flows through you.
Do not consider what strangers say.
Be secluded in your secret heart-house,
that bowl of silence.
I hope these words calm your mind as they have calmed my crowded one.
Breathe now, and share your cup of wisdom with others.