Before I met my partner four years ago, dating was a struggle.
Because I didn’t know my worth.
Guys would go silent on me for weeks, and when they finally resurfaced with a bullshit excuse, I’d accept it in a heartbeat.
I would text twice if I didn’t hear back from someone I’d been talking to. Not understanding that they really didn’t care if they heard from me or not.
And I’d be blind to major red flags like mentioning of exes, cheating and drug habits on first dates.
I’m aware of how crazy that sounds as I write it. But it’s easy to look back now and wonder what the hell I was thinking.
The truth was, I didn’t know any better. And so many of us still don’t.
I got ghosted for the umpteenth time, and something finally snapped within me.
This was it. I wasn’t going to invite men like this into my life anymore.
I was done.
And I knew I had to make some serious changes when it came to the way I dated.
This is how empowered women date differently
They know what they deserve
Empowered women date differently because they know what they deserve.
They know that a man texting you back in a timely fashion, not disappearing for weeks, and asking you out on a proper date are all basic things every man should be doing if he’s genuinely interested.
They aren’t afraid that they won’t find anyone better. That doesn’t come into the equation. And lame excuses like “I’ve been busy,” don’t cut it.
They expect communication, honesty, kindness and respect at the very least. And are ready to walk away from anything less.
They don’t try and change or fix anyone
So many women (younger me included) falsely believe they are that one woman who has the power to change the bad guy, and make him want to be good.
Because we see that story played out in the movies all the time.
The reality is, no one has the power to change anyone. They have to want to change, and they have to want to change for themselves.
Empowered women know this. So they take men at face value.
They believe what they hear, instead of what they want to hear. And they make no attempt to try and change or fix anyone. Because it’s not their responsibility.
And they’re ready to meet a man who is ready to meet them.
Empowered women will always be themselves
When we meet someone we like, sometimes we can’t help but desperately want them to like us back.
So desperately, that we’re willing to do anything. Including changing who we are to appear more desirable.
But this is a recipe for disaster. At best, they’ll fall for you thinking you’re a totally different person, and you’ll have to continue wearing a mask for your entire relationship.
That’s no way to live.
Empowered woman date differently. They will always show the world who they are.
From their comic book obsession, to their snort-like laugh. Their love of all things pink, or their love of playing football. Their dream of opening a bakery, to their fascination with trains. Chilling in their house in sweats and no make-up. And blasting Taylor Swift from the speakers in their car, with the windows rolled down.
They spent years trying to bend and break themselves to be accepted and liked, and they’re not doing that anymore.
Fuck it if someone doesn’t like them, or thinks they’re weird. They know the right person will embrace their quirks and differences, and love them for who they are.
They understand that being vulnerable is a strength, not a weakness
We’ve been taught by a toxic masculine-run society that being vulnerable is a weakness, and you shouldn’t show any signs of weakness.
That means you don’t talk about how you’re feeling, you don’t show your true emotions, and you build those walls up strong and high. But in doing so, you become afraid to show people your softer side, underneath that shell-like exterior.
And we all have one.
Empowered women know that it requires great courage to be vulnerable, and expose your softness to the world. And in doing so, you find your way to authentically beautiful connections that are built on truth.
Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.
– Brene Brown
How empowered women date: they ask for what they want in bed
An empowered women knows what she wants in bed, and isn’t afraid to ask for it. Her pleasure is equally important as his, and she makes sure she gets hers.
She has sex like she means it.
She tells him when something doesn’t feel good and when it does.
She’s got no time for faking it.
And she takes equal responsibility for getting what she needs.
And won’t feel pressured into doing anything they don’t want to do
So many of us allow ourselves to cave in to the pressure of doing something we don’t really want to do, but think we should.
Because we’re afraid someone won’t like us if we don’t.
We don’t want to seem like we’re difficult or prudish.
Many women agree – or rather don’t protest – to things like anal sex, being choked during sex, sending nude pictures, having a guy ejaculate on their face, or having sex at all because they think they have to. Not because they want to.
They think this is what is required to keep a man.
If you enjoy those things, great. But if you don’t, then don’t agree to them.
Don’t let anyone – especially not a guy you hardly know – make you do anything you don’t want to do.
An empowered woman respects her own boundaries as well as her body. She knows that if a man respects and cares about her, then he will respect those boundaries.
Empowered women are open and honest with their feelings
They don’t have time for games. That means they don’t play any, and they’ll avoid people who do.
Empowered women date differently because they are willing to be open and honest at all times. Even when they’ve just met someone, or it’s hard to speak the truth.
If they like someone, they’ll tell them. Likewise if they don’t, they’ll be straight about it. Not rude or unkind, but truthful.
If they’re hurt by something that was said or done, they’ll make it known.
They’ll be clear from the start about what they’re looking for.
And they expect the person they’re dating to do the same.
If they sense someone isn’t being upfront or honest, they’ll confront them about it. And if they’re not satisfied with the response they receive, they’ll move on.
They trust their intuition
As women, we have a powerful sixth sense in our intuition. Those inner thoughts, feelings, and knowings we receive all the time.
But often, we ignore them. Because we’re taught not to value our intuition. It’s dismissed as “woo-woo,” and inferior to logic or facts.
An empowered woman has learned how powerful her intuition is, and allows it to guide her through her life. She trusts herself. She trusts the wisdom she receives.
They have no problem walking away
It doesn’t matter if it has been three dates, or thirty years of marriage. If she no longer feels loved, respected, or happy; she will make it clear, and walk away.
Even when it’s harder to leave than it is to stay. Because she’s not prepared to live a shadow of a life. And she refuses to hand over her power.