I know we can’t have forever, love.
For I know forever can never truly mean forever, but anything less just wouldn’t be enough.
I am someone who believes in reincarnation. In my heart, I know we’ve both lived many lifetimes before today, and we’ll live many more after this one. In different bodies, places and timelines.
Our souls remain the same, while everything else changes.
And you and I are no exception.
But thinking about living this life or the next, without you, brings a sting to my eyes and an ache to my heart.
I find myself wondering how many lifetimes we’ve known each other, in different faces and spaces, before our hearts found a way to each other today.
Before our hearts merged into one.
Before I craved forever.
Every day, I’m reminded of how easy it is to die. Our human body, I mean, for our souls are infinite.
Every day, someone’s wife, son, sister or friend passes from this earth.
And every time I hear the news, I realise that someone could be me.
And that someone could be you.
One day, it will be. That’s for certain.
If we’re lucky – I mean, if we’re some of the luckiest souls alive – we’ll get to grow old, happily and healthily together.
Yet somehow, it still wouldn’t be enough. I’d want you by my side in the next life, and every life after that.
And what if our bucket of luck runs dry?
What if the universe wants something else for us? A path that doesn’t include each other.
What if we have to say goodbye tomorrow?
Or the day after, or the day after that one.
I know forever can never truly mean forever, but what if we’re left with even less than we imagined?
What if we don’t get a tomorrow like we hoped?
What if we don’t even get a goodbye?
What if I’ve been wishing on every star for forever, but forever was never on the cards for us?
That’s a thought that haunts me every day. Keeps me wide awake; all kinds of restless at night. Has me worried anytime I say goodbye to you, wondering if that will be the last time.
Nothing in this life is forever.
But I can’t help my heart from hoping you will be.
And in my heart, you will be.
Because this life will come and go. But my heart will always remember the shape and warmth of yours.
In time, our hands will have to let go. But my heart will keep holding on.