It was June 2018, and I felt I was running solely on my feminine energy, which was why things weren’t happening fast enough, and I wasn’t achieving as much as I would’ve liked to.
I thought I needed more clients, more sales, more money, and to grow my modest audience – the typical things most businesses look to grow.
I remember reaching a stage in my business where things were going well, but I was ready to shift up to the next level, so I went on the hunt for an experienced business coach to work with.
After doing some research, I contacted a few people who I thought might be a good fit to help me grow my business. And they all asked me to tell them what I was specifically looking for help with.
So I took some time to mull that over in my head, and came up with the conclusion that I was seeking more than anything else was an injection of masculine energy in my business.
That being said, I was born with the over-achiever gene in me, so the desire for more tends to be a recurring theme in my life no matter how much I accomplish, which is something I’m continuing to learn how to work peacefully with.
The thoughts I was having were common for someone new in business, given the hustle culture we currently live in. We’re always told to do more, more, more. Everything is go, go, go, and if you’re taking any time off to rest and recharge, you’re made to feel like you’re not working hard enough, meaning you can’t possibly want to succeed as much as you say or think you do.
While I understand that there will be required periods of intensity in any business – especially in the early stage, which I’ve been through – I think the 24/7 non-stop approach is fundamentally flawed. It will only result in your creative well drying up completely, potential health issues (physical and mental), and burn out.
I finally settled on a business coach I wanted to work with, who I believed was the right woman to help me create more harmony in my business through my inner feminine and masculine, and we worked together for a few months on various parts of my business.
I remember one exercise in particular that we worked through called the ‘wheel of life’, where you draw a circle split into various segments: career, personal growth, health, fun, relationships, money etc. You then give each segment a score of 1-10, depending on how much time and growth each of these segments is currently receiving in your life.
Unsurprisingly to me, it was fun that was lagging behind everything else; despite the fact that I was living what could only be described as a vacation lifestyle – travelling the world and working from anywhere I desired, and designing my own days.
During another session together, we discovered I was clinging on to a limiting belief in my mind that believed I needed to be working all the time in order to be successful.
Where did it originate from?
My childhood – the usual suspect.
I grew up in a household that mirrored our current society, and heavily adopted masculine attitudes towards work, life, and success.
I was taught I needed to work hard all the time.
If I wanted to earn lots of money, I learned that would only come from working hard for it.
And growing up with an over-achieving, gifted older brother, also meant that I constantly felt like no matter how hard I worked, it was somehow never good enough.
If I got a B on an assignment at school, I felt deflated.
In my teens, I discovered a love for art, fashion and textiles while at school, and eventually decided I wanted to pursue a career in the fashion industry. Although they eventually supported me, my parents weren’t best pleased about it, and often tried to persuade me to change my mind.
I felt like my creativity was never truly valued or respected in our house (at least, not in the way academia was). Subjects based on logic were always placed ahead of creative ones.
Logic over creativity = masculine over feminine.
This was the recurring message I received throughout my early years. And it always circled back to the same thing: the dishonouring and devaluing of the feminine.
Think back to your own childhood… was their an imbalance, and has this influenced how you currently think and live your life (or run your business) today?
Even many years on, having quit my job and dramatically changing careers, starting my own thriving business from the ground up; I never quite managed to address that limiting belief in my head.
Even though I would vehemently disagree if you asked me whether I believed the masculine way is better or more important than the feminine; I was subconsciously holding on to this learned childhood belief, which underpinned everything I believed about success.
That was a huge epiphany for me. Realising that it wasn’t masculine energy I needed at all, it was in fact feminine energy my soul was seeking.
But having been blind-sighted by the world I live in, I thought I wasn’t doing enough, and needed to do more, and push more; regardless of how much I was achieving.
The reality was, I had been ignoring my inner feminine for a long time, and she was longing to be recognised and revered.
She was waking up, and so was I.
You’ve probably guessed by now that when we talk about the masculine and feminine, we’re not talking about physical bodies, i.e. men and women, husband and wife, parent and child, or lovers. We’re talking about energy; your nature and expression of the inner masculine and feminine energy within you.
It’s an inner dance that never ends.
It’s Yin & Yang, Shakti & Shiva, Water & Fire dancing together to create something bigger than each is capable of creating alone.
The masculine is often described as assertive, protective, logical, giving, focused, and structured; expressed through the physical realm. While the feminine is expansive, creative, fluid, receptive, sensual, and empathetic; expressed through the subtle realm.
It’s important to be mindful that since we’re speaking about energy here, nothing is ever black and white, and what I’ve outlined above is a very simple explanation.
Since the masculine is expressed in the physical realm, it’s about doing; where as the feminine is expressed in the subtle realm – looking beyond what can be seen with the naked eye – and is centred on being.
Being, feeling, and flow, have long since been deemed inferior to logical thinking, taking action, and control.
We are living in a strange time, where the powerful toxic masculine culture makes people (men and women) feel like they need to constantly be doing more more more, and still, it’s not enough. Work more, achieve more, work out more, make more money, join more clubs, party more, get more followers, spend more, drink more, have more sex, be more attractive.
Where does it end? And since when did more equal better?
There’s no escaping the doing culture around us, and we think we need to follow suit. So we focus on doing – more, more, more. Until we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and fed up. A lot of the time we don’t even know why we’re doing all of these things.
If we stop, sit still for a moment, and check in with ourselves, usually we come to the realisation that none of these things are truly making us happy. We’ve just unknowingly adopted society’s version of what success looks and feels like, without recognising what success looks and feels like for us as individuals.
Being is very different to doing.
It’s below the surface, and happens within. No one sees it but you, which means it’s much more difficult to measure and share with the world – meaning there’s no chance of external validation. And that’s what so many of us are craving, because we don’t fully love and approve of ourselves.
So we skip the being altogether, and just do.
But when we do this, it’s like building a house without a solid foundation. Cracks will appear, things will fall off, and eventually, the entire thing will crumble down; because it was missing that vital support beneath the surface.
This is what the practice of being creates – a stable, solid support which holds and guides us internally, and gives everything we choose to do externally the best chance of success.
Being is sitting in stillness for an hour, meditating.
Being is facing your shadow side, and confronting your deepest insecurities & fears.
It’s crossing the bridge between the two worlds, and coming face to face with Her.
Being is doing the inner work that most of us avoid.
Being is slowing down, and reconnecting to your soul.
And learning to tune in to your inner knowing, and let her guide you.
Being is embodying qualities like love, compassion, and patience.
We are all being called to slow down, go within, and simply be.
Men and women need both the masculine and feminine for there to be an internal harmony, which is then reflected externally.
Without understanding the qualities of each of these energies, we can’t create that harmony, and can find ourselves – often unknowingly – out of balance.
The masculine without the feminine is not whole; it does not feel valued and it’s not nurtured or appreciated. It feels incomplete.
Likewise, the feminine without the masculine is not whole; it feels unsupported. It’s not focused, lacks purpose, and becomes scattered and unstable; resulting in no sense of true success.
You can think of the masculine as the container, and the water filling up the container as the feminine. Without the container, the water will just spill out all over the table; and without the water, the container becomes obsolete.
If you’re a woman who is lacking in masculine energy, you can end up becoming a yes-woman, allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, putting on a happy face when you’re not okay, and not tending to your own cup before you tend to everybody else’s.
If you’re a woman lacking in feminine energy, you may find yourself running life at a constant state of intensity, unable to slow down and relax, being over-controlling, and needing to be busy all the time.
This is exactly why we all need to embrace both, and why our current world feels totally out of balance.
The masculine is dominating, has become a toxic version of itself, and the feminine has been repressed and forgotten.
Not only is the feminine not valued by our current society, but she has also been exploited at the hands of toxic masculinity.
Our receptiveness has been targeted by corporations to convince us to buy their products.
And our intuition has been ridiculed, so much so that we feel the need to have visible facts to base an opinion or decision on.
Our creativity is seen as a waste, taking up precious energy which could be used logically.
Our nurturing has been reduced to nothing more than a job, yet it’s still not valued like a real one in the city.
But suppressing the feminine is not just damaging to women, it’s damaging to the entire world. Because in the process, we have isolated ourselves from nature — from the very thing we are all created from.
Nature and the sacred feminine are both fundamental to the existence of the human race.
Our world is currently run by the (masculine) man-made laws we have created, imposed, and chosen to live by. But these are no match for the immutable laws of nature (the feminine), which are non-negotiable. If we break them, there are direct consequences that we will have to face as a species, which we can already see.
Our world is facing many serious challenges, from climate change and resource depletion to global poverty, disease, and violence. Feminine power will help us move through these difficult times, but she needs to be welcomed and respected.
Collectively, we have lost our deep connection to our earth, and to nature in the process. This connection is so vital for women especially, because the land and women are intertwined.
She is us.
We are Her.
Remember, regardless of what is going on our there in our world, you still have a choice as a woman to live differently. Just because the feminine is not valued by our society, it doesn’t mean you can’t welcome her in to your world.
So, how do we reconnect with Her?
First, we step out into nature. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We go for barefoot walks on the beach, and drink in the salty breath of the ocean.
And get lost in the lushness of the tropical jungle.
We hike up hills and mountains, and drink in the spectacular views below.
And take five minutes each day, to step outside, and fill our chest with fresh air.
We get naked, and bathe in a river, allowing her sacredness to refresh and renew our body, and our soul.
Plant our feet on the ground, and allow ourselves to remember all that has been forgotten.
Get outside today.
Be with Her.
She is with you.
She is you.