How To Get Turned On And Have Epic, Soulful Sex

how to get turned on
Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash

Are you struggling with how to get turned on and get yourself in the mood for sex?

Or are you having what seems like textbook “great sex” and finding it’s not turning you on or meeting your sexual needs?

Maybe you’re having regular sex, trying new positions, and experimenting with new things—but are you doing it for yourself or for your partner?

If you’re not sure, ask yourself, are you genuinely enjoying the sex you’re having?

From what I’ve witnessed, we think we’re sexually liberated and empowered as women. But the majority of us are still heavily influenced by the male gaze and performing in a way that pleases him. You may not even realize you’re doing this because it is so deeply ingrained in your beliefs and ideas surrounding sex.

I’ve read many sex-based articles aimed at women, and the focus tends to be on having the kind of sex that we’ve been conditioned to believe is good sex, rather than having the type of sex that feels good for us.

Plus, most articles focus solely on how to get turned on, or why you’re not getting turned on, without connecting the two. But they’re intertwined. So in this post, I’m going to be exploring all of this and more.

Pleasure is not a luxury; it’s your birthright. And if you’re sexually blocked, chances are this is having an effect on all other areas of your life: your relationships, your creativity, your finances, and even your physical and mental health.

It’s time for women to start owning their sexuality. Not for anyone else but you, because you are reason enough.

Should I have sex if I’m not feeling it?

If you’re in a long term relationship, you may sometimes have “maintenance sex.” You have sex with your partner even if one of you isn’t in the mood or turned on. Usually, because you want to give the other person what they want and need, maintain sexual intimacy, or keep the flame alive.

Some sex therapists advocate for this because it’s good for your relationship’s health as it keeps you connected. What I would say is you shouldn’t ever do anything you don’t want to do.

So, if you want to have sex—even if it’s just for your partner—have sex. There are many ways you can get yourself turned on even if you’re not feeling it, and enjoy the experience. We’ll explore this in more detail later in this post.

But don’t feel guilted into having sex—by your own mind or external pressure. If it feels like you’re going against what your heart wants, that’s a sign to not have sex. It doesn’t matter if your partner is super horny—it is not your responsibility to make him feel good or satisfy his sexual appetite.

Why am I not getting turned on?

Firstly, I want to make it clear that there’s nothing wrong with you.

Struggling to get turned on is completely normal and something that affects us all at some point in our lives.

There are many possible explanations for why you might be struggling to tap into your sexuality, even if you’re trying everything you can. And it might be that it’s more than just one factor involved.

Every woman is different, every body is different, and every relationship is different. There is no one size fits all answer.

If you’re wondering how to get turned on, here are some reasons why you might be finding it challenging to get yourself there.

1. You’re stressed out to the max.

Did you know that stress levels among women are 50% higher than men?

This is because women tend to juggle multiple roles as partners, mothers, workers, and sometimes carers.

Do you feel like your to-do list never ends? Are you struggling to be present during sex without thinking about that big deadline coming up at work, the washing that’s piling up in the basket in the corner, and the kids’ lunches that have to be made?

I don’t have kids, but running my business makes me feel like I’m climbing a never-ending mountain.

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a button you could hit when you get into bed and want to switch the endless chatter of thoughts in your mind off?

Hell yeah. But it doesn’t work that way.

Is there anything contributing to high levels of stress for you?

And if so, is there anything you can do to alleviate some of this pressure? I’ve got some tips for you below.

2. Why can’t I get turned on: Ever heard of sexual concordance?

A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that women who find it harder to get turned on have stronger sexual concordance than women who are more easily turned on.

So, what does sexual concordance mean?

It means that your body is more in sync with your brain, which means if your mind is not turned on, chances are you won’t physically become aroused.

As a woman, your brain is actually your most important sex organ. Many women need to have their mind sexually stimulated before their body gets excited.

This is why it’s commonly said that sex, for women, begins outside of the bedroom. In fact, it starts as soon as you’ve both orgasmed. Everything leading up to sex matters way more than you think it does.

If you want to read more about this, I would highly recommend checking out Naomi Wolf’s book, Vagina

3. You don’t feel sexy.

It’s difficult to go online today without being confronted by a “perfect” looking woman, usually draped in minimal clothing like sexy lingerie or a bikini.

The media continues to tell us what we should and shouldn’t look like. If you’re in the one percent of women who look like a Victoria’s Secret model, you’ve won; although, body hang-ups and eating disorders leave no woman unscathed.

And the rest of us are royally fucked.

In a nutshell, society is doing its best to make you feel inadequate daily, no matter what you look like. So if you don’t feel sexy, I’m not at all surprised.

This is all part of the patriarchal plan to detach you from your sexual energy, make you weaker and more submissive, and therefore easier to control and exploit. If you’re a wife or a mother, you probably feel this more than anybody else does. Think about it: no one associates these roles with feeling sexy.

If you’re wondering how to get turned on, feeling sexy is the key to unlocking your pleasure door. But to feel sexy, you have to accept and love yourself exactly the way you are at this moment. Not when you lose 10 pounds. Not when your breasts are bigger. Now.

If you’re always thinking about or judging your body, you take yourself out of the present moment. And the present moment is where pleasure and soulful sex happen.

4. Sex is not satisfying you the way you want it to.

For a woman to want sex, sex needs to be worth wanting. So, ask yourself if it is?

Because if you desire the sex that’s available to you, you’re more likely to make time for it and do all you can to help yourself get in the mood. But if you’re not interested in it, you may subconsciously push it to the end of the list.

For most women, the real pleasure of sex isn’t actually the sex part. It’s everything leading up to it: the foreplay. Stroking, caressing, kissing, and whispering.

Is your partner devoting enough time to the things that give you pleasure? Or is sex always the main act? Does it feel like your partner only kisses you when he wants sex?

You’re not demanding or difficult to want better sex. And if your partner truly loves you, he will want sex to be just as mind-blowing for you as it is for him.

5. Low libido.

Sometimes a slow sex drive can just be down to your mindset. Maybe you’re never interested in initiating sex, but you manage to get into it and have fun once you get going. This is another example of sexual concordance—your brain needs some time to get in the mood.

But other times, you might go along with it and not be the slightest bit interested or aroused. Maybe you’re waiting for it to be over or thinking about what you’ll do once it’s done. If this is common, it could be due to any number of other factors on this list. But if none of them ring true for you, it may be that you have a low sex drive. This is called hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD).

One of the most prominent signs of HSDD is if you struggle to feel any sexual pleasure, even when you masturbate. It can often be caused by other physical and mental health issues. If you think this might be affecting you, talk to your doctor about it. There are treatment options available.

6. You’re exhausted.

Are you getting enough sleep? It’s recommended an adult gets around seven to nine hours of good quality sleep each night to function optimally.

It can be challenging to get yourself in the mood at the best of times, let alone when you’re exhausted. Your energy is depleted, you’re more irritable, and you may struggle to think clearly.

I know it’s not as simple as telling you to get more sleep. You might have a new-born keeping you up through the night, a job that demands long hours from you, or someone you’re caring for full-time. But there are some things you can do to make sure you get better sleep, even if it’s not a longer one.

That includes minimizing screen time a few hours before you go to bed, cutting back on caffeine after lunch, getting fresh air and exercise each day, doing some meditation, taking a bath, and reading a book to relax. And don’t be afraid to say no to things that deplete your time and energy, or lean on your loved ones for support if you need it.

Better quality sleep will boost your overall health and wellbeing and help you find more energy to devote to all the things that matter most to you.

7. Past sexual trauma.

If you have a history of sexual trauma or relationship difficulties, you may struggle to be physically intimate even when you want to be.

Do you avoid sex or feel uninterested in it? Do you ever do sexual things that don’t make you feel good, that you don’t really want to do? While having sex, do you feel distant, uncomfortable, or angry? Are there certain words, situations, or specific kinds of touch that trigger you to experience painful flashbacks?

If you have been sexually assaulted, these are all common symptoms and explanations for why you’re not getting turned on or enjoying sex.

8. Sex is painful.

If you struggle to get turned on before sex because it’s painful, this is your body telling you that’s something’s not right.

It could be that your partner is on the large size and/or going in too deep. But if you know this isn’t the case, it could be something else.

You may suffer from pelvic floor dysfunction—a common condition where muscles in the base of your pelvis don’t relax properly. Physical therapy and treatment can help correct this.

The pain could also be due to hormonal changes if you’re breastfeeding or entering menopause. In some cases, hormonal treatments are offered to correct the imbalance.

If you’re already using a good lube and still experiencing pain, then I’d recommend speaking to a doctor.

9. You suffer from depression.

Anyone suffering from depression knows that it can affect every part of your day-to-day life, without exceptions. You might never be in the mood, and on top of that, certain depression medicine can affect your libido.

But just because you experience depression, it doesn’t mean it’s not possible to enjoy sex. Many of the tips we’ll explore later in this article can get you out of this rut and help you experience (and look forward to) sexual pleasure again.

10. You’re mostly having sex for him.

Do you have sex with your partner because you think you should?

Many women (including me) go through with sex because they want to do it for their partner. The problem with this is over time, sex becomes solely about him and what he wants. And in the process, you no longer know what you want or need.

If he’s pressuring you to have sex when you’ve told him you don’t want to, then he doesn’t love or respect you and is not the guy for you. But if this isn’t the case, then he’s doing nothing wrong by desiring you and wanting to enjoy sex with you. This is a beautiful thing.

Like I mentioned before if you want to have sex because he wants it, go for it. But don’t feel pressured into doing it. Much of the time, we put this responsibility on ourselves to ensure everyone around us is happy and cared for. But we end up at the bottom of this list and don’t prioritize our own needs.

So, if you are in a rut of having sex for your partner, take a step back. It’s time to start being selfish and think about what you want.

11. You haven’t set clear boundaries.

Have you ever stopped to define what your boundaries are when it comes to sex? And have you shared these with your partner?

For example, you might have boundaries around how soon you’ll have sex with someone after meeting them. You might have boundaries around the kind of contraception you want to use or what positions or sex acts you are and are not comfortable with.

If you haven’t set clear boundaries and go along with everything your partner suggests, even when you’re not happy, you end up creating an environment where you don’t feel safe or respected.

It’s your right to have boundaries, and whoever you’re having sex with should respect these, even if that means saying no or stopping in the middle of sex. Forget about killing the mood or disappointing your partner. If he respects you, he’ll respect your boundaries.

But first, you have to figure out what those are.

12. Your expectations are getting in the way.

Growing up reading fairytales and watching romantic Hollywood movies fills us with beliefs and lofty expectations around sex.

Do you find yourself walking into sex with a long list of expectations and then feeling annoyed or deflated when it inevitably falls short?

Don’t get me wrong, you’re right to have expectations. But if you’re pre-occupied checking a tonne of boxes, then you’re not present in the moment. And when you’re not present, you close yourself off to incredible possibilities and deep connection with your partner.

Yes, he should kiss you and touch you and spend as much time as you need on foreplay. It shouldn’t feel like a chore; he should want to do that for you. And you should feel sexy and loved and taken care of.

But if you’ve got all those things, does it really matter if he doesn’t whisk you off to Paris for the weekend or throw you over his shoulders?

If you struggle with your expectations, then practice surrendering. Focus on being fully present in the moment. See if this creates a shift for you.

Before trying to get turned on, make time to relax and de-stress.

Men are often able to forget whatever they were doing and get in the mood in a matter of minutes. But most women don’t work like this. We need time to decompress, relax, and get aroused.

So, before I move on to showing you how to get turned on, here are some great ways to relax your mind and body first.

A gentle reminder: don’t go into these practices with the goal of getting turned on or in the mood for sex. This is likely to stress you out even more and put extra pressure on you. Instead, focus on being present in the moment, noticing how you feel, and releasing all judgment.

Meditate

Meditation is a supportive practice that will help train you to be more present in the here and now. Not only will this benefit you in the bedroom, but in all other areas of your life too.

Don’t worry if you’re a beginner, or the thought of sitting in silence is daunting. This is normal. I’d recommend starting with a guided meditation, using an app like Calm or Headspace. Find a quiet spot to practice, either in a chair or on the floor, using cushions and blocks to support you. Begin with a small duration, like five minutes, and gradually increase this over time as you grow more comfortable in your practice.

You can also check out this helpful post, which is packed full of meditation tips for beginners.

Yoga

Exercising regularly is not only good for your physical and mental health, but it can also boost sexual arousal. So make sure you’re getting at least 30 minutes of exercise in a day, even if it’s just going for a walk around the block.

Yoga can be an incredibly erotic exercise. It invites you to step fully into your body and feel the energy as it moves through you from one pose to the next. Only a few studies have explored the connection between yoga and sex, but it makes a lot of sense.

In yoga, you focus your attention on how your body moves, your breath, and the different sensations you feel throughout the practice. You give yourself time and space to connect within—something many of us go all day without doing.

There’s no need to go to a class unless you really want to. There are so many online classes and memberships available that you can practice yoga from the comfort of your bedroom. I’ve been using Alo Moves for the past two years, and I love the variety of yoga styles and instructors they have.

Take a shower or bath.

If you don’t have a lot of time, then a quick shower can help you rinse away the day’s stress and help you feel grounded in your body. But if you have more time, run yourself a bath, and make it a blissful experience.

Light candles, use a bath bomb or some salts, scatter in some flowers, use a couple drops of essential oils, and put on some relaxing spa music in the background. I’ve gotten into baths in a significant way over the past few years, and they’re incredibly soothing and relaxing. You will come out feeling so pampered!

Whether you’re having a shower or a bath, be sure to run your hands over your body. Follow what feels good. Explore. Play. Have fun.

How to get turned on and start having epic, soulful sex.

There’s so much information online and in the media dictating how we should feel and the kind of sex we should be having. But we’re all different. Sex depends on you and your partner—nobody else.

What’s important is you both feel comfortable expressing what you want and setting boundaries, and you’re both getting what you need from the experience.

What does soulful sex look and feel like to you?

Soulful sex should satisfy you on all levels: physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually. The balance of these levels will vary every time you have sex, but they should all be present. This is how you take sex from just another thing you do to something that lights you up and nourishes you. This is soulful sex.

Once you know the kind of experience you desire and how to ask for it, then you can begin exploring how to get more aroused and turned on.

1. Give yourself permission (and space) to feel good.

Soulful sex begins outside of the bedroom. If you want to experience pleasure, you have to give yourself permission to step into a pleasure mindset.

That means making time and creating space to have fun and feel good. The older we get, the less fun we tend to have because we’re too busy trying to be responsible adults. And it’s not your fault—we learn this as we grow up.

Even if life is hectic right now, it’s vital you make time to do things you enjoy each week. That might mean heading to a yoga class or a moon circle, signing up for a cooking class, spending an evening journaling, connecting with friends, or going for a swim in the ocean. Block out this sacred time for yourself each week, give yourself permission to feel good; because you deserve to.

The more you tap into your pleasure zone, the easier it will be to access it.

2. Reconnect with your body.

Many women feel disconnected from their bodies because they’ve been taught to feel this way. Our patriarchal society does its best to detach women from their bodies and sexuality, which keeps you away from your power.

How do they do this?

They tell you all the reasons why your body isn’t good enough.

They show you what a “perfect” woman looks like, and of course, none of us measure up.

And they continue to objectify and dehumanize us and reduce us to no more than a man’s play-thing.

And they give you impossible rules to abide by. Don’t be too sexy, but don’t be a prude either. Don’t be quiet, but don’t be too loud. Be confident, but don’t be bossy.

Sound familiar?

This eats away at our confidence and self-worth, one day at a time. The problem is, to feel turned on, you have to be connected and empowered in your body. And this all begins on the inside.

Maybe your body doesn’t look the way it did 10 years ago (of course it doesn’t—it’s not meant to!), perhaps you’re not as thin as you’d like to be, or your breasts aren’t as voluptuous as you want them to be.

Who cares? I sure as hell don’t care. I’m certain your partner doesn’t care and loves you no matter what. And if anyone is judging you, they are not someone you need in your life.

So, the only person holding you back from feeling sexy and comfortable in your own skin is you.

Remind yourself that you deserve pleasure. That your body is a divine miracle. And there’s nothing you can change or “fix” on the outside that will magically change how you feel on the inside. This is down to you.

Can you release your judgment and criticism? Can you replace those negative thoughts with empowering ones? What can you do each day to love yourself a little more?

3. Explore what you want and need from sex.

Do you even know what you want from sex? have you ever asked yourself that question? Or, do you know what you want but struggle to describe and voice it?

We’re not taught how to tune in to our sexual desires or actively encouraged to explore our sexuality. In fact, many of us would have experienced our parents either avoiding the subject of sex altogether or giving us the bare minimum. So it makes sense that many women don’t even know what they truly desire.

What do you feel is currently missing from the sex you’re having? What would you like more or less of? What’s one thing you’d like to try that you haven’t before?

Keep this inner dialogue open with yourself.

4. Discover your most sensuous spots.

Did you know that your entire body is full of erogenous zones?

The obvious go-to spots are usually your clit or nipples, but there are many more, including your thighs, back, and bum. Any part of your body can be a sensuous spot for you, so make time to explore and find out what your hot spots are.

Lie down, and gently begin touching your body, starting from the face and working your way down—experiment with different types of touch, as well as the pressure. Listen to your body.

5. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner.

Communication is something I’ve always struggled with in general. That’s why I love writing—it allows me to ponder over my feelings and carefully string words together before I share them.

Verbal communication is wildly different. And too many women struggle to voice what they need and want during sex, which leaves them feeling frustrated, angry, and unloved.

Maybe you tend to go with whatever your partner wants to do, or there’s a deep need within you to please him, which leaves your needs unfulfilled. This is all linked to the ingrained belief that women should be good and quiet and accommodating, never wild or disruptive.

Let me remind you that it’s not only okay to ask for what you want; it’s essential that you do. Otherwise, you’ll struggle to get turned on and in the mood for something that doesn’t really feel good for you.

When you’re in the moment, keep checking in with yourself.

Do I want this? Am I expressing what I’m feeling?

Keep an open channel of communication with your partner at all times. He’s not a mind reader. Chances are, if you don’t tell him what you’re thinking or feeling, he’ll be oblivious to it. And remember to always communicate with love and respect.

If you’re still struggling, you could try seeing a therapist together. This can be helpful if your partner is quick to become defensive or you’re finding it challenging to voice how you’re feeling on your own.

6. How to get turned on: Stimulate your mind.

Wondering how to get turned on? You’re ready for a blissful bedroom session with your partner, but you just can’t get in the zone. Sound familiar?

This is what is known as sexual concordance, which I mentioned earlier. And the way to combat it is to mentally stimulate yourself. That might mean sending a fiery text to your partner, exploring role-play together, or reflecting on a sexy memory from the past.

Here are some other sure-fire ways to stimulate your mind.

Read something spicy.

Even if Fifty Shades isn’t your thing, there are plenty of other romance novels to get you thinking about sex. Take a look at what’s out there, and choose whatever speaks to you. If you’ve never read erotica before, there’s no better time to try it out.

Even if you’re sure this isn’t for you and won’t work, have an open mind and be willing to give it a try before counting it out.

Listen to erotic audio.

I recently discovered a brilliant app called Dipsea, full of sexy audio stories to help you get turned on. Some are sexier than others, and there are a variety of different comfort levels to explore.

There are also wellness and breathwork series to help you explore your erogenous zones, practice self-pleasure, and relax.

Watch porn.

Many articles online will answer the question of how to get turned on by giving porn a try. Porn can be really enjoyable for women, but what’s important is you choose something that feels good for you.

The main problem I have with porn is the majority of it is created by men, for men. It almost entirely disregards female pleasure, focusing solely on the man’s experience, and in many cases is degrading and dehumanizing to women. So, while I wouldn’t advocate you watching that kind of porn (although it’s entirely up to you), I would encourage you to explore porn that has been created by women, for women.

This can be really empowering and a great way to prime yourself for pleasure.

7. Respect your natural sex drive.

Sometimes, you can try everything you can to get turned on and still not be in the mood; and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you!

But when you are having one of these days, it’s important to respect how you feel and not just have maintenance sex because you think you should. It’s challenging for a woman to feel aroused during sex if she was never aroused in the first place. You won’t enjoy it anywhere near the way you would if you were turned on.

By turning down sex when you’re not in the mood, you respect your own boundaries, and it might help you get more in tune with your body and natural desires.

8. Get to know your sacred cycle.

Have you ever tracked your menstrual cycle? Do you know what the main four stages are and how they affect your energy and mood?

Did you know that sex can be more enjoyable on certain days of your cycle?

Yes!

After you’ve finished the bleeding phase, testosterone levels continue to rise until you ovulate. This can make it easier for you to get aroused and have an orgasm. Your energy is at its peak during this stage, which means you’re likely to feel more in the mood.

Some women enjoy period sex and feel aroused while menstruating. But from an energy point of view, your reserves are low, and energy flow is going downwards (symbolized by the blood leaving you). If you want to have sex while bleeding and enjoy it, great! But if you don’t, and once again you’re doing it to please someone else, then I’d encourage you to take a break from sex during this time.

Tuning in to your sacred cycle like this and honoring it will help you connect more deeply with your body and feminine energy.

9. Make a mixtape.

Have you tried listening to music to get yourself in the mood?

Music can be another great way to relax, change your state and help you when you’re masturbating (alone or with your partner).

Think about the type of music that would be most helpful for you in the moment, and make you feel sensual and sexy. It might be something slow and jazzy, maybe some spa music, or even something a little higher in tempo. 

Experiment. Make a few playlists and see what works for you.

Remember, there’s no right or wrong here.

10. Create a sexy space.

Your surroundings can play a massive part in how you feel, and I don’t just mean when you’re having sex. 

If your space is full of clutter and junk, you will feel cluttered and disorganized. 

On the other hand, if your space is organized, spacious, and filled with things that bring you joy, you’ll feel lighter and more joyful.

Ever wondered why you feel so carefree and happy when you go on vacation? 

It’s probably because you have one small suitcase of stuff, and your room is clean and tidy!

So, if you want to help yourself get in a sexy mood, create a sexy atmosphere in your bedroom.

That means get rid of any junk, light some candles, invest in silk pillows and fluffy blankets, and a diffuser to make sure the room smells divine. 

Your bedroom is your sanctuary and should only be used for sleeping and sex. When you make it special and sacred, you’ll instantly want to spend more time in there, and it will make you feel so much better. 

11. Plan a romantic getaway.

It’s not always possible to go on vacation every time you need to reconnect with your partner.

If you’re able to, then a weekend away can be exactly what you need to get out of your funk. Changing your environment and leaving all your responsibilities at home will probably lift a weight off your shoulders and make it much easier to relax and get turned on.

Don’t put any pressure on having sex. The goal should be to spend quality time together without being interrupted. Make it about play and fun and relaxation. 

12. Give yourself a striptease.

Why should stripping be reserved for your partner? 

If you need some help reconnecting with your body and feeling good, try stripping for yourself. 

Get dressed up in whatever makes you feel sexy—a sexy satin slip, a full set of lingerie, or a silk robe.

Stand in front of a full-length mirror and slowly peel off each item, taking your sweet time. Be sure to give every inch of your body your attention, think about the sexiest parts of your body, and enjoy the show!

13. Indulge in self-pleasure.

If you’re wondering how to get turned on when you’re not in the mood, you might just need to bypass your brain.

You think you’re not in the mood, but what does your body have to say about it?

Try touching and playing with yourself when you want to get turned on, but you’re not quite feeling it… yet. Sometimes this can help you ground into your body and spark those sexual feelings. This is a great tip for when you’re mentally turned on but not physically.

Sometimes this might be all you need, and other times it might not make the slightest difference. Every moment is unique, so be patient with yourself.  

14. Find a sex toy that works for you.

I would generally say that it’s best not to become reliant on a vibrator 24/7  to turn you on because it can desensitize you to your own physical touch (as well as your partner’s). 

But experimenting with a vibrator can be really empowering and something you can use both on your own and together. Aim to use it around fifty percent of the time, and use your own touch the rest of the time. 

If you’re new to vibrators, start small and simple. Create space to run it all over your body and see what feels best for you. Once you’ve discovered your erogenous zones, you’ll know exactly where to place your attention. 

15. Think sexy thoughts.

When was the last time you felt super turned on?

Chances are you have at least one memory where you felt tidal waves of pleasure, even if it’s a memory of you on your own. 

Next time you’re struggling with how to get turned on, see if you can recall a really sexy moment. 

Alternatively, let your imagination run wild and fantasize about something that takes you there. It might be about a new position you want to try, something you want your partner to do to you, or something else. 

There are no rules here. Give yourself permission to explore and release your inner sex Goddess.

16. How to get turned on: Connect.

One of the biggest reasons couples struggle to have soulful sex is they’re disconnected from each other in day to day life.

When was the last time you and your partner truly connected? 

That means talking and actively listening to each other. Asking your partner about their day, how they feel, and regularly checking in. Doing this ensures you’re continually learning about each other and growing together, which is hot.

You’ll feel closer to each other and more in sync, which might be all you need to release your sexual energy and get turned on. 

17. Focus on foreplay with your partner.

I don’t like to generalize, but women tend to need more warm-up time than men do when it comes to sex. Like I mentioned earlier, our brains are wired differently. 

The trouble is, we then tend to get frustrated with ourselves because we’re taking so long to get there. But this only makes things worse and leads you further off the path.

So, if you’re wondering how can I get in the mood fast, let go of the need for speed. 

What if you tried a new way of thinking? How about you start going into the process of becoming aroused with zero expectations and learned to just enjoy the experience of getting warmed up?

Let your partner know you need more time, and invite him to join you in getting yourself there. 

Whatever it is you want more of, ask for it. Kissing, touching, licking, or talking. Spend around 20 minutes doing nothing but this, and give yourself permission to enjoy this time. Let your arousal build naturally. 

18. Do a pleasure scan.

Pleasure happens in your body, not in your mind. It’s tough to switch off and be fully in the present, but paying attention to the sensations in your body can help.

As you’re touching yourself, or your partner is touching you, bring your attention to your body. 

What are you feeling in each area of your body? Where do you feel the most? And what kind of sensations are you feeling? Can you describe them? 

The more you do this, the more you’ll learn about your own body, and the more pleasure you will feel.

Let go of the over-thinking and mindless chatter from your brain. Return to the now. Be here in the moment. Allow yourself to experience all of it. 

Final words: Speak up, have fun and be open to receiving pleasure.

I hope this article has helped you understand a little more about how to get turned on and why you might currently be struggling to. 

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with you, and there’s no “right” way to have sex. Every woman is different, and every relationship is utterly unique. 

Give yourself permission to receive pleasure, respect your boundaries, and ask for what you need and want. Soulful sex is about both of you having fun and connecting on all levels of your being, but it’s also about feeling safe and loved. 

The fact that you’re here means you want more from your sex life. You recognize you deserve more, and there’s a whole world of possibility for you to explore. 

It’s time to say yes to getting wildly turned on and having epic, soulful sex. 

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