It’s a tough lesson in life when you discover that the people you’ve known as family your whole life, are not really your people.
You were born into your family for a reason. There are lessons you came here to learn, from them, with them, through them. Maybe you had to see them crumble and fail and do everything wrong, just so you would be hell-bent on doing things right. Maybe they were there to love you, nurture you, and hold you up while you were on your training wheels; finding your balance and figuring yourself and this life out.
But one day, you decided you wanted to fly.
And they didn’t understand why you would want to fly when you could already walk just fine. Or they thought they were giving you the best advice, and being the best role model they could be; when they were really just making you feel small and not enough. Or they resented your big dream, and your hunger to chase it; because it reminded them of all the dreams they gave up on; all the dreams they didn’t give themselves permission to chase.
People like that, whether they’re your biological family or not, are most certainly not your people.
And accepting this can be excruciating. because they’re your family. Surely they want what’s best for you? Surely you can’t distance yourself from the people you’re tied to by blood?
Not only do I believe you can; I believe you must, if you want to live your most authentic, empowered, and peaceful life.
It may be difficult to cut the chord, and when you finally do, you may be plagued with guilt. Give yourself time and space, and eventually, that guilt will melt away. And what will be left is joy, liberation, and self-love. Inner strength, clarity, and a much needed reminder that your life is meant to be written be you.
Mums, dads, brothers, sisters, grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins; I mean anyone who you are biologically linked to.
Because blood may be thicker than water, but it’s no match for energy; it’s no competition to the soul. And family is just a word; just like love is. It means very little on its own, and words are cheap.
It’s what’s underneath the word that matters. The actions of that person, what they say and do, and the way they make you feel when you’re with them.
Do they make you feel inspired, and uplifted, and strong?
Or do they make you feel drained, and frustrated, and small?
They either make you feel better when you’re with them, or they make you feel worse. It can never be both.
So ask yourself, which one is it?
Better, or worse?
Anyone who causes you harm—physically, mentally or even energetically—is not your soul family. And you deserve better. Your heart and your soul deserve more.
Your soul family are out there, waiting for you to find them. Waiting to welcome you with open arms, and a warm embrace, and tell you that they’ve been looking for you, too. Waiting to give you the home you’ve always been searching for. They are the ones who will be there to hold your hand as you pave your own path. They will be ready to pick you up when you’re down, and encourage you to reach even higher when you’re up. And they will see your true colours, and be in awe of your art.
These people are your soul family; your real family here on earth.
You need them, and they need you. You need them so that you can grow and evolve into the most expansive person you can be. And you need them so that you don’t have to wander through this life alone, thinking you don’t belong.
If these people just so happen to be related to you, then you’re lucky. But most of us aren’t so lucky.
Your biological family may not be your soul family; in fact, chances are they’re not. And that’s okay. Because family is no more than a word.
I know you didn’t get to choose the home your were born into, and some people will say, well, that’s life, and you just can’t pick your family.
But you can. You get to choose. You get to decide who you surround yourself with, who you spend your energy on, and who gets to see all of you.
We are more in control of our lives, and our feelings, than we think we are.