I see you everyday and as the days go by, you look less and less like yourself. You don’t show off your smile lines anymore, your eyes don’t get wrinkled in the corners like they used to; but instead, they’re always glassy and I don’t recognise you anymore.
I was there the day that someone told you that you hadn’t accomplished anything. I heard her harsh words. I saw the look on your face and I felt the coolness in your heart. Brick by brick, you built your walls up. I felt each and every single layer go up. I know that when you look at me, you hear those words over and over again. I know you relive that moment. You refuse to let it go because you believe those words. You believe them so much so that you live by them. I see how you look at me, with such disappointment; it hurts to look back at you.
I remember the day that someone said that you have wide hips. You came straight to me and scrutinised everything from the hair on your head to the shape of your baby toe. Every line on your face, you pulled; every dimple on your thigh, you straightened out; and every piece that jiggled, you pinched. I’ve seen the tape measure come out countless times. I see you jotting down figures and I see the disappointment on your face when those figures don’t move. I can see the frustration building everyday. I see it when you look at me angrily. I know you blame me. I’ll work harder, I promise.
I notice when you sit on the floor and scroll though all your social media pages. You take note of the girl with the fabulous career, the girl with the dream house, the girl with the sports car, the girl with the picture perfect family and the girl with the 60,000 followers. You wonder if you can be that too, the #momboss, the #bossbabe or the #influencer. You look at me and instantly toss your phone to the side. You’re not even giving me a chance to help you become those things. You just look at me and give up. I feel like I’m failing you.
With each passing day, I’ve gotten used to how you look at me. I know when you see me that you don’t like me very much. You roll your eyes most days and I pretend not to notice but I do. I wish I could tell you that I’m your biggest fan, your friend, and your support system. I wish that you wouldn’t cast me in the role of the villain. That’s how you look at me.
I just need you to know one thing. I am the girl in the mirror, and I can’t change that, but you can change how you look at me. You can love me.