Heartache has a funny way of creeping up on us. Nobody knows how long it’ll take for a heart to heal because you can’t physically see the cracks that lie within you. On the outside, you may seem perfectly fine but, on the inside, you are crumbling. If only these feelings had a time frame. If only we knew when the day would come that we would wake up and feel ourselves again. The waiting game can feel daunting. It takes days, maybe months, for some, but it’s years of trying to navigate these emotions for others.
On the days you are fine, you are so fine. You’re confident, you’re strong, you walk around with a smile so bright. You think positive thoughts about yourself and remind yourself of the goddess you are. But at any moment, the cracks start to show. One drink too many, and you are taking a trip down memory lane. One word, listening to a song, the smell of a certain scent can bring back a million feelings. And there you are again, lost, alone, confused, hurt, wondering how on earth you ended up in this position.
Heartache doesn’t always mean that you miss somebody or wish you could go back to a particular time in your life. It doesn’t always mean that you are longing for that relationship or person. Heartache can be knowing that you are better off, knowing that all your choices were for the best, and understanding that you deserve a hell of a lot more.
To me, heartache is a feeling of being lost. Lost in my mind, lost in my feelings and emotions, struggling to trust the process of healing, and just simply not understanding the actions of others.
Heartache reminds me that I have put my heart in the hands of people who haven’t always had my best intentions. Heartache is realizing that not everybody I care about will care the same amount about me. Heartache is coming to terms with the fact that trust and commitment look different to everyone. Heartache is just simply feeling let down. Let down because we aren’t shown to be valued in the ways we need to feel real love. That’s all we ever want, right, to feel loved and appreciated?
As children, we all have visions of how our lives will unfold. As we grow older, we experience that actually, life isn’t something that can be planned. It’s not a book we can write, but a ride we can enjoy. Coming to terms with the fact that things won’t always be smooth sailing is difficult. It messes with our hopes and dreams and causes us to question our purpose.
We all experience our own type of heartache. People wear their own experiences in different ways, and that’s okay. Heartache isn’t always the result of one person breaking your heart. Sometimes it’s many encounters hurting you in your most vulnerable moments. It isn’t something we should feel embarrassed about, rather something we should build the confidence to work through.
Finding trust in people is important. As much as it may seem so at times, we are never alone in this world.
Heartache, whether it be big or small, is important to acknowledge. With the right TLC, hearts do eventually mend. So, darling, the next time heartache creeps back up on you, remind yourself of your worth. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and remind you of the importance of love, whether that be family, friendship, or romance.
Embrace your heart and bring color back into your life. Don’t let heartache become permanent. You are worth so much more than that.